Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
