it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I have already put on my inside pants.
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