I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
