he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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