Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
