I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
