I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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