yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
