Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
