I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
