bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
