Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
