WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It all started with a game of naked twister.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
