Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
