She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
