My liver just broke up with me...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
