Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
