So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
