I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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