My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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