i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I am available for nakedness
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Oh god it's open bar.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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