SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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