Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
