dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
