im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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