just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
