I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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