tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
