I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
