you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
