every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
