Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
