its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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