She announced her abortion via fbk
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
