he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
