just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
