I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
