everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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