i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
