I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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