Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
