I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
