I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
