OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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