That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
