38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
