why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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