Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
