I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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