I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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