This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
