you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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