3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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