He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
